


Five Times Virgil Sat on a Surface Not Meant for Sitting

by LonelyThursday



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders is a Little Shit, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders is a Sweetheart, Fluff, Gen, Humor, Janus is not a morning person, Neither is Logan, Patton loves his kiddos, Post-Episode: Accepting Anxiety, Pre-Episode: Accepting Anxiety, Remus eats the forbbiden candy, Virgil keeps weird hours, its Remus, momceit, non-sexual non-graphic nudity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-27
Updated: 2020-08-27
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:21:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26133397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LonelyThursday/pseuds/LonelyThursday
Summary: And One Time He Didn'tEach of the Sides walk in on Virgil sitting on something that is definitely not a chair(also posted on tumblr)
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Deceit | Janus Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Logic | Logan Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Morality | Patton Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Thomas Sanders
Comments: 6
Kudos: 264





	Five Times Virgil Sat on a Surface Not Meant for Sitting

**1\. Janus**

_It’s too early to be alive,_ Janus thinks as he makes his way into the kitchen to scrounge up some coffee. If he had his choice, he wouldn’t be downstairs until well after 8 am, but Logic gets up at 6, and Morality at 7, and Janus would rather avoid the awkward tension his presence causes. 

So here he is, getting coffee at 5 am in order to avoid the self-proclaimed “Light Sides”. 

_What a life._

Janus doesn’t bother with lights as he focuses on making coffee as quickly as he can. As the coffee brews, Janus stares off into space with only the sharp smell of coffee keeping him conscious. 

After a few minutes, the coffee maker lets out a quiet _beep,_ signaling that the coffee’s ready. Janus pulls a mug out of the cabinet (it’s a Slytherin themed mug that says “Mind If I Slytherin?” on the side), and fills it with the bitter, life-giving liquid. 

Janus can’t help it when his tongue slips out from between his lips to smell. _Come to mama my sweet,_ he thinks as he raises the mug to his lips. 

“Can I have some?”

Janus drops the mug onto the counter in shock and lets out a warning _hisss_ that turns into a hiss of pain as the hot coffee drips out of the cracked mug, off the counter, and onto his socked feet. 

Janus quickly turns to cuss out whichever Side got between him and his precious coffee, but finds no one. 

No one, that is, until he looks up. 

_“Demon child!”_ He hisses at Virgil, who’s staring expectantly at him from where he’s perched on top of the refrigerator. “What the _hell_ are you doing up there.”

Virgil shrugs, completely casual despite the venom in Janus’ voice. “Couldn’t sleep.”

 _“Sssatan’sss sssspawn,”_ Janus hisses under his breath as he pulls out Logic’s usual mug (because being able to spite the pretentious nerd will make him feel a _little_ better) and fills it with more coffee. Constellations appear in the mug as it fills with hot liquid. 

Finally - _finally_ \- Janus is able to take a sip of coffee. Virgil continues to stare at him expectantly, but Janus ignores him until he’s successfully drunk half the mug, at which point he pulls Princey’s usual mug (white with red trim, a gold crown on one side, and the words “someday my prince will come” written in gold on the other side) from the cupboard and fills it with coffee for Virgil. 

“Thanks, mom!” Virgil grins. 

Janus ignores him and downs the rest of his coffee in one go. He places the empty mug on the counter, just shy of being in the coffee puddle from his first mug. 

_I_ liked _that mug,_ he thought, spitefully as he stared at the cracked mug. He can’t fix it himself, and can’t very well ask Princey for a new one. _Maybe Remus will make me a new one…_

Janus stares at the mess a moment longer, before deciding to leave it for Logic to find. 

“There’s leftover pasta in the fridge,” Virgil says suddenly, snapping Janus out of his thoughts.

“Excuse me?”

“There’s pasta in the fridge that you could eat for breakfast if you don’t feel like cooking. 

Janus doesn’t reply, instead he just pulls the leftovers from the fridge and sticks them in the microwave for a minute and a half. He uses the time to refill Logic’s mug, and quickly down the whole thing. 

“Do you want some?” He offers halfheartedly as the microwave timer goes off. He doesn’t really want to share, but Virgil has a nasty habit of not getting food when he’s hungry. 

“Nah, I already ate,” the anxious Side replies. 

Janus gives him a skeptical look and sticks his forked-tongue out to taste the air. 

_Truth._

Janus shrugs before grabbing his food and retreating back to his room, leaving Logic’s dirty mug, and his own broken one on the counter, smirking at the thought of ruining Logic’s morning schedule, even if it’s just a little. 

As soon as Janus is out of earshot, Virgil hops off the fridge and starts cleaning up the spilt coffee. He cleans the floor, the counter, Logic’s mug, and Janus’ mug, but he leaves Princey’s mug dirty in the sink. 

_Small pleasures._

Virgil places Logic’s mug back in its rightful place in the cabinet, and leaves Janus’ mug on the counter by the sink with a sticky note reading: _“oops, I guess I_ cracked _under the pressure :(“_ in a perfect copy of Morality’s handwriting, hoping to maybe trick Logic or Princey into thinking Morality broke the mug so that they’ll actually try to replace it. (And if Morality is the one to find the note and begs Princey to replace the mug because “it's one of my favorites, Roman! Look! It has such a clever pun on it”, all the while claiming that _he_ was the one who broke it? Well, the end result is the same.)

After making sure everything’s clean, he pours the rest of the coffee into a purple travel mug, and sets up the coffee maker so that all Logic will need to do when he gets up is press a button. 

Then he slinks back to his room to watch conspiracy videos until he eventually passes out from exhaustion. 

**2\. Logan**

Logan wakes up the same way he does every morning when his alarm goes off at exactly 6:00 am. As he does every morning, Logan shuts the alarm off and rises from the bed, and, without bothering to make the bed or change out of the unicorn onesie he sleeps in, heads straight for the kitchen, where the coffee machine should be all set up for him to just press the button (something he’s sure Patton must do every night before going to bed). 

Unfortunately, something is off once he reaches the bottom of the stairs, and he freezes. Even with his sleep addled brain, he can tell that something is wrong. It takes him perhaps a little longer than it would if he had already had his coffee to figure out what his subconscious mind had seen. 

_A ghost!_ His mind immediately posits. _That’s ridiculous,_ he admonishes himself as soon as the thought has formed, _ghosts aren’t real._

Logan continues to stare at the not-ghost that seems to be hovering in the doorway to the kitchen, before what he’s seeing finally clicks. 

_It is Anxiety, with his face somewhat illuminated by the dim light of his phone screen._

Logan reaches out and flicks the lights on before he can consider the fact that neither he, nor Anxiety, are at all prepared for the sudden brightness that they’ll bring. 

Indeed, once the lights are on, Logan finds himself shielding his eyes with his hands, and he can hear Anxiety let out an angry hiss from the doorway. 

“What the _hell,_ Logic?”

“What are you doing?” Once Logan’s eyes adjust, he can see that Anxiety is not _standing_ in the doorway, but is rather balancing about halfway up the wall with his back against one side of the doorway, and his feet against the other. 

Anxiety shrugs at the question. “Just hanging out.”

“There is no way that that is comfortable,” Logan observes. 

“Well since I’m part bat, it would be more comfortable to hang from the ceiling,” Anxiety smirks, but he doesn’t look up from his phone. “But unfortunately there isn’t anything for me to hang from up there.”

Logan blinks. And then blinks again. “You’re part bat?”

Anxiety finally looks up from his phone, startled. “Uh… no, that- that was a joke.”

“Ah, forgive my confusion, deciphering humor is not one of my strong suits, especially when I haven’t had my coffee yet.”

A guilty look crosses Anxiety’s face for a moment before being replaced by a mask of indifference. “I guess I’m blocking your way, huh?”

Anxiety disengages his legs from the wall, and in one fluid motion is out of the doorway and sitting on the dining room table instead. Logan hums in acknowledgement and continues into the kitchen for his coffee. 

Anxiety is gone by the time Logan’s brain has reached full capacity, and while he’s forgotten much of their conversation, the distinct feeling that Anxiety hadn’t been as hostile as he usually is stuck with Logan for the rest of the day, as well as residual embarrassment from realizing that Anxiety saw him in his onesie. 

**3\. Roman**

Roman pushes the bathroom door open carefully, fully aware that his brother has a habit of lurking in there. 

Nothing. 

Perfect. 

Roman enters the bathroom fully. Confident that he’s alone, he pulls out all his makeup. He’s going to make the most intricate, but still stylish design he can, after all, a prince has got to slay. 

He’s in the middle of contouring when he thinks he hears something. He turns to survey the room, but it’s still empty. 

Shrugging to himself, he turns back to the mirror and continues working on his makeup. It must have just been his imagination. 

A while later, Roman is trying to get his lipstick _just right._ Another noise. He dismisses it without checking. 

_Just a little bit more-_

“Does it always take you this long?”

Roman screams. 

Seconds later, the bathroom door is broken down by Remus wielding his morning star threateningly. “What is it? What happened?”

What he finds is Roman perched on the sink like he’s trying to get away from a spider, red lipstick smeared over his mouth and across his face; and Virgil sitting in the bathtub, fully dressed, drinking Gatorade out of a wine glass and looking at him with a mixture of curiosity and boredom. 

“Wanna know how I got these scars?” Remus growls, fighting to keep a grin off his face, lowering his morning star

“What?” Roman turns to survey himself in the mirror, screeching again at his ruined makeup. “Shut _up!”_ He snaps, throwing his lipstick tube at his brother before turning on Virgil. “What in the name of all that is Disney are you doing in the bathtub!?”

Virgil shrugs, sipping the Gatorade. “Me-time.”

“In the _bathtub_!?” Virgil shrugs again. “Were you there the _whole_ time?”

“Yeah. You always take two hours to do your makeup?”

Roman gasps, offended. Virgil smirks. 

“This is no fun,” Remus complains, eating the lipstick like a Push Pop. “I thought someone was being murdered.”

Roman glares at him.

“Why didn’t you say anything when I came in?” He demands, ignoring his brother. 

Virgil shrugs, “I was asleep, and when I woke up I figured you’d be done soon, but you take for _ever.”_

“You slept with a wine glass in your hand?” 

“I have many talents,” Virgil smirks. “Now can you both please go away, I’m still having my me-time.”

Roman grumbles under his breath, but he leaves the bathroom anyway, dragging Remus along with him. Technically, he _could_ fix the door, but he’s feeling particularly petty at the moment, so Virgil’s just going to have to deal with the inherent lack of privacy that comes with having Remus smash the door open. 

And, well, if Roman forgets about his ruined makeup and continues his day like normal, Remus certainly isn’t going to remind him. That would be no fun at all. 

**4\. Remus**

Laundry detergent is, in Remus’ opinion, the tastiest of the liquid cleaning products. He really doesn’t understand why Thomas won’t take his suggestion of eating Tide Pods, they’re delicious!

Of course Thomas isn’t the only one who doesn’t like Remus’ Tide Pod suggestion, that’s why Logan and Janus banned him from the laundry room. That’s why Remus has to _sneak_ into the laundry room. Because no one will let him eat his beloved ‘forbidden’ candy. 

Well almost no one. 

“Hi, Veevee!” Remus greets the emo Side as he slips into the room, closing the door behind him much more carefully than he would normally, not wanting to alert the wrong Side to his position. 

“Hey, Re,” Virgil salutes from his position lying on the shelf over the washer and dryer. “I think Logan took the detergents with him last time he did laundry.”

“Well fuck,” Remus laments, _oh well, foiled again._ “If I climb in the dryer, will you turn it on?”

Virgil considers for a moment before shrugging. “Sure.”

“Yay!” Remus strips his clothes off and climbs in the dryer totally nude. 

“Why was that part necessary?” Virgil asks, eyeing the pile of clothes with disdain. 

“Emo, Emo, Emo,” Remus tuts, sticking his head out. “All of my clothes are _hand wash_ only, I can’t put them in the _dryer_!”

Virgil rolls his eyes, muttering to himself about _stupid creative sides,_ but he still closes the dryer and turns it on. 

Once it’s on, he sits on top of it, enjoying the warmth and the steady _shake-a-shake._ The only downside is every now and then, a too-loud _thump_ will remind him that there’s a _person_ in the dryer and not just a pile of clothes. 

Remus emerges from the machine half an hour later, dizzy, but grinning madly. 

_Best ride ever._

“Thanks, Emo!” Remus calls behind him as he leaves, stumbling into every wall and doorway on his way, still naked. 

Virgil rolls his eyes and waits for the sounds of Remus struggling down the hall to subside, as soon as they have, he pulls the Tide Pods and the other liquid detergents out of the washing machine and places them back on the shelf he had been chilling on. He’d moved them because that specific shelf was his favorite, but it had the added bonus of preventing Remus from eating the cleaning products. 

_Win-win._

**5\. Patton**

Naps are nice. Patton loves naps. He loves napping in his room, surrounded by Thomas’ fondest memories and piles upon piles of stuffed animals. He loves napping in the fields of the imagination, surrounded by fresh air and sunlight. And he _especially_ loves napping in the common room, all his kiddos around him, quietly spending time together. 

When Patton fell asleep today, Logan had been quietly reading on the other side of the sectional. It’s always a toss-up whether or not Logan will still be reading when Patton wakes up, but Patton doesn’t mind, his kiddo is busy with his own things to do. 

There _is_ something different when he wakes up, he can tell without even opening his eyes. It takes him a moment to place it, mostly because he’s always a little groggy after a nap, but eventually, he realizes that there’s a weight over his legs. 

It’s not a light weight, like a blanket or a puppy, but it’s also not so heavy that it’s hurting him. It’s like a nice medium weight. 

Finally ready to truly relinquish his nap, Patton opens his eyes to find Virgil, sitting on his lap, playing some sort of game on his phone. 

“G’morning, kiddo,” Patton yawns, sitting up carefully so as not to dislodge the other Side.

“Oh, hey Pat,” Virgil stuffs his phone in his pocket and gives Patton a smile. “It’s not morning, it’s almost 3 pm.”

“But when did you wake up?”

“Uuuuummmm…” Virgil suddenly finds the staircase very interesting. 

“Then that makes it morning!” Patton declares. “Would you like some pancakes?”

“Shouldn’t it be _Pat-_ cakes?” Virgil smirks. 

Patton’s delighted gasp is all the warning Virgil gets before he’s pulled into the tightest hug Patton can manage. 

“I’m going to make you Pat-cakes!” Patton declares. “Pat-cakes are going to be like pancakes, but they have blueberries and chocolate and strawberries all at once!”

Patton stands, taking Virgil with him, and makes his way to the kitchen. Virgil lets out a startled _hiss,_ quickly scrambling to get his arms and legs wrapped around Patton, less the other Side accidentally drops him. 

Once in the kitchen, Patton deposits Virgil on the counter, and begins mixing batter for his new signature dish. “These are going to be my _berry_ best creation!” *gasp* “and cinnamon! And banana!”

Virgil chuckles, knowing full well that whatever Patton serves him is either going to be the _best_ thing he’s ever had in his _life_ , or completely inedible. There is no middle ground here. 

“And covered in peanut butter and whipped cream!”

Either way, it’s going to be an interesting meal. 

**+1. Thomas**

_That’s the last time I eat tacos before bed,_ Thomas thinks to himself as he descends the stairs to get to the kitchen. He had trouble getting to sleep earlier, and then once he’d finally fallen asleep, he’d had the weirdest dream, which resulted in him startling awake again. He’s not sure what time it is, he hadn’t checked, but he decided to take Patton’s suggestion of a warm glass of milk. 

Thus why he’s going to the kitchen at dark o’clock in the morning. 

Normally, if he’d been going for a glass of water, Thomas would have left the light off, trusting himself to find a glass and the sink in the dark. But since he’s after warm milk, he decides that it’s best to turn a light on. He doesn’t want to burn himself, after all. 

So Thomas switches on the living room lamp. 

And promptly screams. 

“What in the name of Adam Driver are you screaming about?” Roman’s voice demands from his right, causing Thomas to scream again. 

After he’s calmed down from his second scream, Thomas realizes that he must have summoned the Sides with his first scream, seeing as how his living room was now full of… well himself, really. 

“Thomas,” Logan reprimands from his place next to the stairs, looking barely awake, dressed in only his unicorn onesie and no glasses. “It is incredibly early in the morning, you should not be awake yourself, let alone waking the neighbors with your unnecessary screaming. I thought you were getting a glass of milk and then heading back to bed.”

“Yeah, Thomas,” Virgil drawls from the couch, as if his unexpected presence wasn’t what made Thomas scream in the first place. “People might think you’re being murdered and then they’ll call the police and then you’ll have to _talk_ to the police to tell them that there’s no murder going on.”

“Wouldn’t that be fun though?” Remus asks enthusiastically. Other than Virgil, he seems the most awake, standing naked and proud in the middle of the living room. 

“I’m sorry,” Thomas apologizes, looking between his Sides that he had accidentally woken up. Logan seems to be fully utilizing the banister to keep himself upright. Roman’s face is covered in stark white moisturizer, and he’s wearing those fancy silk pajamas like Thomas had always imagined rich people to sleep in. Patton is sitting by the window in his cat onesie with the hood pulled up, obscuring his face. Actually, he _might_ just be sleeping. Janus is _definitely_ sleeping, having taken Virgil’s usual spot since Virgil isn’t currently using it, curled up on the stairs in a nightgown like Ebenezer Scrooge. Remus, as previously stated, is standing, wide-awake, in the middle of the living room, wearing only a nightcap that looks like it goes with Janus’ gown. 

And Virgil is on the couch, fully dressed, because he’d been sitting there in the dark when Thomas came downstairs. 

“I didn’t mean to summon you guys; I just wasn’t expecting to find Virgil on my couch in the middle of the night.”

“Apology accepted,” Logan says before sinking out, too tired for anything more. 

“Yes, if no one needs me then I’m going to go finish my beauty sleep,” Roman declares with an overly exaggerated yawn. 

“You could sleep for a hundred years and you’d still be the ugly twin!” Remus yells after him. “Well this was disappointing,” he informs Thomas. “Call me if something _juicy_ happens.”

And then he’s sinking out, too. Leaving Thomas with just Virgil and two sleeping Sides. 

“Um, should we wake them?” Thomas asks, gesturing to Patton and Janus. 

“Nah,” Virgil waves him off. “They’ll sink out on their own soon enough, it’s hard to stay in the real world when you’re unconscious.”

“Oh, okay.”

Thomas stands around awkwardly for a minute before deciding to continue the conversation. 

“Why were you sitting on my couch in the middle of the night? Don’t you have a couch in the Mindpalace?”

“Yeah,” Virgil shrugs. “But I think more clearly when I’m on _your_ couch. The Mindpalace has a way of… _twisting_ things, I guess. It’s less distorted out here.”

“Oh, I guess that makes sense,” Thomas bobs his head. “But why in the dark?”

“I’m a figment of your imagination, Thomas, I can’t turn your lights on.”

“Oh, yeah, that makes sense,” Thomas says again, rubbing the back of his head. “Hey, do you want warm milk?”

“Yeah,” Virgil nods, standing to follow Thomas into the kitchen?”

“Wiff cookies?” The slurred question comes from behind them, and Thomas turns to find Patton blinking blearily at them from the floor. 

“Sure, Pat,” Thomas smiles at the Moral Side. “Just don’t tell Logan.”

“Promise,” Patton swears seriously, as he stands and shuffles forward, stopping only once he’s walked right into Virgil. 

Thomas turns to the stairs to offer Janus milk and cookies, but finds that he’s already sunk back out. 

_Oh well,_ he thinks. _More cookies for us._

**Author's Note:**

> so really it was more like eight times Virgil sat on a surface not meant for sitting
> 
> Hope you guys liked it  
> be safe  
> wear a mask  
> don't be stupid  
> wash your hands  
> you're doing so well  
> I'm proud of you


End file.
